2✨ pillow talking got my throat raspy [18+, opt-in]

[longwillows]

[A sensation like a gentle tap on the shoulder, trying to draw someone's attention without alarm or spectacle. Which is a little strange, given that the voice which comes across the Murmur is generally a big fan of spectacle.] Hello, everyone. I hope you're all staying relatively safe out there.

I believe I've discovered something interesting.

[As always, her tone is light and breezy, but it's surprisingly absent any sign of jest.]

I'm not sure how many others have been experiencing unusually high arousal lately, but I'm given to believe that it's at least a few! I'm happy to report that having sex with someone does alleviate that. It seems to make it easier to control any strange abilities, as well. At least, it did for me.

However, there are some...hm, side-effects, I suppose? The things we can do with this psychic network, where we share thoughts, feelings, experiences... A sexual encounter with someone results in a persistent connection of that nature. You could share a lot with them that you didn't intend to, particularly during the act.

[Despite these words of warning, she doesn't seem terribly bothered by her own experiences, judging by the conversational ease with which she reports on them.]

I know that's the sort of thing that most people wouldn't want to be surprised by, so I thought it might be wise to share the pattern I've observed.

[Then, finally, some humor comes into the transmission of her voice:] That's all. Enjoy responsibly!


[ OOC: if this is information that you don't want your character to have at this juncture, feel free to assume that Kalmiya failed to reach them when sending out this message! they are also welcome to discover it within the Murmur at a later date if that works better for you; i don't want to make it harder for anyone to play out their preferred form of mess 🤭 thank you!! ]

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[longwillows]

[Though Kalmiya holds fast to the hand that's come up out of the tumultuous waters, she doesn't do anything more. Doesn't pull, doesn't force it. She just holds steady where she is, ready to be there when Ash feels ready to pull herself out of the mire of self-protection and self-destruction.]

Thank you. It's all right, though; you didn't upset me.

Guilt and shame are some of the loudest feelings a mortal can experience. They fight harder to hang on to you than patience and compassion do. And they can be powerful motivators for change, but...you have to know when to cut them loose. They won't leave enough room for patience and compassion if you cling to them as they cling to you.

[Underscoring this is the feeling of pulling, but it's not at Ash. It's the pulling of someone yanking themselves out from quicksand, of freeing a limb caught in the gnashing teeth of a predator, of breaking the chain on a weight that's been carried too long.

All those threats coalesce into a specter of distant shame, which hangs over Kalmiya's words like an approaching storm—held at bay by her sheer determination not to let it guide her, and yet never quite out of sight. Never quite out of mind. Never so far behind that it couldn't catch up to her if she were to have just one bad day of trying to escape it.]

[sculptedash]

[Ash for her part let's the hand be held. She doesn't pull away, resist, or push forward. It's as far as she'd let herself go at the moment, but she appreciated the warmth that Kalmiya's presence provided.

She hangs on those words for a moment. She knows she didn't upset her- That much was obvious by how unflappable by other girl had been in her initial snap. Ash was glad she hadn't pushed her away.

The second part was harder for to accept. The guilt and shame were still new to her. She had let her rage and grief control her, she had set fire to everything around her. She wasn't sure how all the pieces were going to land from that- she couldn't now that she was here. Her head was clearer now- She knew how deep the cuts she had made were.

...Patience and compassion were a little more new to her. She was still figuring out to how to feel those, how to let them in.

The feelings Kalmiya projects are visceral, and she feels herself reeling because she knows them so well. The determination to hold them back not so much. But it shows her a resolve she'd been lacking since her brother was killed. Something she was struggling to find again.

Then she feels it out for a moment, and decides to share a little more. A few voices play through the wall she had built up.

"You know then... Where my powers come from?"
"Doesn't surprise me. I knew you were special since the moment we met."
"You don't think that makes me disgusting?"
"No, proud! _____ Chose you."
"______ Wants me to join you."
"I want you to join us. I love you, baby sis."

It takes her a little, but she finally speaks up again. There's a bit more acceptance in her tone. The waters are a bit more still and calm. The wall doesn't feel like it's actively being built up.]

You remind me of him so much...
He saw the best in people. Inspired the best in people.
You do that.

[longwillows]

[As a rock stays grounded within the flow of a river, Kalmiya remains steady as the stream of Ash's emotion and memory washes over her. If Ash is going to allow her to witness this, the least Kalmiya can do is hold it with grace. So hold it she does, taking in the voices she hears from the other side of the wall—surprisingly, both familiar to her. A faint light of recognition indicates that she remembers the man's voice from their encounter in the grove.

There are parts unintelligible. Parts missing. Kalmiya cannot know one way or the other whether this is because Ash has forgotten them, repressed them, or is consciously trying to keep them away from Kalmiya. It isn't relevant right now, anyway. This is less about the content of what Ash has shown her and more about the fact that she's being given a gift. A small step forward in connection and trust. The specifics will be more important later, when she has more pieces of the puzzle.

When Ash speaks again, an airy laugh answers, carrying warm gratitude with it.] Do you really think so? [While she obviously appreciates the sentiment, it's impossible to read whether or not she agrees.]

I only try to see the whole. It just often turns out that I find the best parts along the way.

[sculptedash]

[Ash is holding things back. Trying to explain Invictus, or going more in depth about what had happened to her and her brother was not the topic for the day. Or really ever if she could help it.

But she did trust Kalmiya. Giving her this moment, something from one of her last real connections to her home world, was the best way she could it show it at the moment.

The next comment gives her a little bit of pause. There was the problem. Ash wasn't so sure that the whole of her was very good. She wasn't convinced that once all the ugly showed it's face if people would still feel the same about her.

Maybe Kalmiya had already guessed as much and seen pas those imperfections? It was hard for Ash to tell. She was much more focused on protecting herself than anything else.]

I think so.

Or at least there's a process of picking through the good and the bad to find the best parts.

[...And Ash was aware she was only sharing so much of the bad.]